Locked Up In Fear

I am pretty good at worrying. I've decided it stems in part from my North Dakota heritage. The climate is so ridiculously harsh up there, and I can just imagine my great-great-grandma out on the farmstead wondering...When will it rain? or Will this gully-washer ever stop? or How much hail damage did our crops endure? or Do I have enough food preserved for winter? or Will the cattle survive this blizzard? Questions like that tend to spiral don't they?

I had questions of my own this week. Like...When will they stop this oil spill? How extensive is the environmental damage? I wonder if this will affect our family vacation? What will gas prices be in July? Should we even take a vacation this year? I wonder if my children be able to enjoy vacations with their families? Will there be jobs for them when they graduate?...ENOUGH ALREADY!

All those questions are like quicksand to my soul. I find myself stuck in the muck and mire of fear. And it's suffocating me.

But in the middle of my worrisome wonderings, I read this verse in John 20:19... On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews...They had just endured the crucifixion of their Rabbi and now they were hiding behind locked doors in fear. I imagine they had their own spiraling questions. Like...Who are the Jews going to kill next? How will we die? Will we be kicked out of the synagogue? What if we are ostracized from the community? I love what happens next, it says...Jesus came and stood among them. Don't you love that locked doors and fearful questions are not a barrier to God's presence? Jesus found them in their hiding place and he said these three words: PEACE TO YOU!

And he said it to me: Peace to you, Lynn. Peace to your questions. Peace to your heart. Peace to your mind.

Are questions, fear-filled wonderings, and "what ifs" keeping you locked up?

I pray that Jesus shows up for you like he did for his followers, like he did for me; finds you in your hiding place and says PEACE to you. Then watch what happens....

And when the disciples saw the Lord,

they were filled with joy (delight, exultation, ecstasy, rapture) John 20:20 AMP

God Breezes

I stepped out the back door, sat down on a patio chair and immediately felt a soft cool breeze on my face. I closed my eyes and soaked it in - God reminding me that just like the wind, He is all around me. All I could think is I have got to get outside more often! How many days do I spend moving from my house to my car, from my car to the office and back again.... completely missing the wind on my face.

In John 20, after his death and resurrection Jesus appeared to his disciples and said:

"Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.

And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit."

I wonder what that felt like; Jesus breathing the Holy Spirit on you. Hmmmm....I imagine it felt a little like my lovely cool evening breezes. Refreshing and invigorating. Full of life. Or maybe it was more forceful like the Pentecost wind from Acts 2!

It was easy to see the wind, to hear it rustling the leaves of the massive Cottonwood tree in our old backyard. Here in this former farmland, nearly void of trees. it is so much easier to FEEL.

Get outside and feel the wind on your face this week (quick before it gets too hot!).... then tell me does it feel like God to you too?

Psalm 104:2-3 He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent

and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.

He makes the clouds his chariot and rides on the wings of the wind.

I'm A Soldier Of Love

Love is a battlefield, isn't that right Ms Benatar? War is not a new metaphor for love, but it is a fitting one. My husband and I are reading John & Stasi Eldredge's new book for couples Love & War and as in most of their offerings, you hear there is indeed a battle to fight. At the same time we just purchased the latest project from the beautiful and brilliant Sade entitled Soldier of Love. The title track with it's military vibe is a story of pain, loss, survival and the hope that love will come. I've got war coming at me from all sides! And whether I like it or not I am a soldier in this love-war. So, I've made up my mind, I am taking a stand and drawing a line in the sand. Will you join the ranks?

• I know that my spouse, my children, my family, my friends are not the enemy in this war. But we do have a very real adversary who is bent on the destruction of all life-giving relationships. I need vision to see through the conflict at hand to the enemy underground.


• I will let my heart take courage and rise to the risk involved in this war. Relational disappointment can be so disheartening. Giving up seems like a great alternative to doing battle. Great relationships do not come out of resignation.


• Isolation is not an option. I need a band of brothers...or in my case a squadron of sisters! We are not meant to live life alone, I need people in my life who will encourage me to persevere through the challenges.


• Survival does not equal victory. I can live as a causality of war. I can live as a survivor or I can press on to find freedom. Relational freedom means I don't have to control others in order to feel safe. God is in control!


• I will not hope in my ability to get things right, but I will hope! Knowing that nothing is impossible with God. He is the author of relationship. My hope is built on nothing less - not on my goodness, not on my husband's perseverance, not even on our family's legacy of longevity.


• As crazy at it sounds in this context, I know that surrender is my ONLY option. I raise my white flag to Jesus! And I know that the more I die to self the more victorious I am as a soldier of His Unfailing Love!
  

Do you hear the battle cry for relationship? Have you gone AWOL? How can you re-engage as a Soldier of Love?

Better Than a Hallelujah

I find myself praying more these days. I'm not exactly sure why. It could be because I have a soon-to-be teenager and sometimes...the look in his eyes....it's either slap him or pray! Maybe its the struggle we see in lives of those we love. Maybe its the natural disasters that seem to be plaguing our dear planet. Today it occurred to me that I could be having a mid-life crisis. Hey, at least it's boosting my prayer life!


Prayer matters. It lifts me and reminds me that I'm never alone in facing whatever lies ahead. Moses encouraged the children of Israel with these words from Deut 4:7


"What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them
the way the Lord our God is near us whenever we pray to him?"


Our God responds to prayer. He hears our cry and He is NEAR!

When I first heard a clip of Amy Grant's new release Better Than a Hallelujah. I thought, hmmm what is she trying to say? What could be better than this ancient, treasured word? Yet, I am swept away by the sweet melody and raw honesty of this song: "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful the mess we are. The honest cries of breaking hearts are better than a Hallelujah." I think its true that God delights to hear the cry of our hearts, whatever misery or concern we might find there. And perhaps its even true that he would rather hear our messy heart than an habitual hallelujah.


What do you think of Amy’s new song?

When do you feel God's nearness?

Seeking Happiness

I love my last name. When David and I married on a glorious North Dakota summer day in July of 1991, I embraced it!



I've owned cherry t-shirts, cherry socks, cherry purses and cherry pajamas. Sometimes I wonder if God gave us two boys because he didn't want to subject a sweet little girl to all the cherry outfits we would have made her wear.



We have a colorful collection of cherry tea pots, cookie jars and plates decorating our kitchen. And when I saw this artwork at Garden Ridge, I had to have it! David hung it up that night in our half bath right off the kitchen. (What a great man!) The two giant cherries make me smile. It also has a little saying on it that has been fun to ponder. And what more perfect place for a little ponderin?

We Tend To Seek Happiness

When Happiness is Actually A Choice

I'll be honest, when I first sat and pondered, I interpreted it to say that we pursue happiness in an environment that is life-giving and hopeful, when we perceive happiness as an option for us. While I think that is most likely true, I decided yesterday that it is saying something entirely different. How could I have missed it? Most of you are probably saying...duh girlfriend! What it is saying to me now is, I'm sure, what the artist meant for it to say: that we spend time, we spend money, we spend energy reaching for an elusive place called "Happy" when all along the only thing we need to spend is our will. (Click to Tweet) Happiness is a choice!



Ha! That reminds me of a little song I learned in college...."Happy, Happy, Happiness is a choice and I chose to be Happy, Happy as I can be. I chose to Happy. I'm Happy. I'm free. I chose to be Happy so I can be me." Whoa that is a flash from the past! Thank you Cheryl Prewitt Salem for that lovely little tune.



So what do you think? Is happiness a choice of our will?

A Lump in my Throat

My feelings were floating treacherously near the surface. And I was afraid to open my mouth lest they come spilling out in front of these people I hadn't even met yet. Awkward! I was attended a writing workshop with my dear friend and writing buddy Lexie. The speaker was Janice Hanna Thompson. She was wonderful, like the teacher you always wished you had. We got to the workshop just in time for a creative writing exercise which was torture for me! I wrote 2 paragraphs without really saying anything and then listened raptly as a few of the other attendees shared their exercise which in 5 minutes already contained characters with names, setting and plot. One, I'm sure, will go on to be the prologue of a future best seller! It was amazing.

But, why all this emotion? I grabbed a piece of scrap paper to help me sort it out:

• Fear - Isn't there always at least a little bit of fear as we stand at the edge of something new? Sometimes there's a lot!
• Rejection - Every time we put ourselves "out-there" we risk rejection. For writers it is part of the process. We joke that rejection letters will be progress because at least we can say we submitted something!
• Work - Am I willing to do the work ahead? When will I find the time? Who will feed the hungry children?
• Doubt - Is this direction I'm heading really the right one for me? Do I have what it takes?
• Patience - How long will I wait? Can I wait gracefully?

With the idea of waiting comes anticipation and I know that too is contributing to the lump in my throat. It's a hopeful lump. As I sit in the class, I'm just so grateful to have Christ at the center of my life. All of those questions can be reigned in by TRUST. Trusting God's plan for my future, not mine. Trusting that I am completely accepted by Him, even though rejection will surely come. Knowing that the Holy Spirit empowers me. He is for me and He is so very patient!

Are you standing at the edge of a dream? I'd love to hear about the lump in your throat!

The Princess and Her Pillows

So, I’m from North Dakota and pride myself in not being a foo foo kind of girl. The only jewelry I need is my wedding ring. Jeans and tennis shoes are my favorite outfit. I relish my no-make-up days. The princess in me comes out AT NIGHT.

Somehow over the course of my life I’ve become sleep-dependant on a pile of pillows. Every night I put my pillows in position, and the truth is I really can’t fall asleep without them.

The Basic Pillow – This one really shouldn’t even count. Everyone sleeps with a pillow under their head. Although not the fluffy feathered version we are accustom to, pillows have a long history and have been found in ancient Egyptian tombs. Who knew?


The Pregnancy Pillow – Regardless of the fact that I haven’t been pregnant since July of 2000 I can’t seem to break this habit. Picked it up in 1997 when I was expecting our first born. The idea is that a pillow between your knees helps keep your hips and spine aligned and any woman who has carried a child inside her body knows we need all the help we can get!

The Posture Pillow – Shout out to my dear Chiropractor, Dr Logan for introducing me to my third pillow, a satin covered cervical cylinder. My neck thanks you. My spine thanks you. My son thanks you because he now sleeps with a neck roll too. I am not content to keep my habit to myself. I’m a pillow pusher.

The Eye Pillow – This smallest of the pillow pile is the epitome of princessdom. My husband’s sister introduced me to my first eye pillow. It came in a boxed set with a coordinating candle and was filled with lavender scented flax seeds. I used it until it wore thin and the seeds started leaking out. The first time I saw one on the bed I screamed and thought it was a bug! I had to retire that pillow recently. (Rest in peace my friend.) My dear husband bought a replacement in spearmint eucalyptus, although he most likely regrets it. It seems like every night at bed time I am searching through the covers, the nightstand, and the floor for that dad-gum pillow! Now I’m resigned to just turn on the light to locate it, because I know sleep will come sooner with every pillow in its place.

It looks like I’ve pick up a pillow for each decade of my life.
What’s next?
What’s in your PILLOW PILE?