A Lump in my Throat

My feelings were floating treacherously near the surface. And I was afraid to open my mouth lest they come spilling out in front of these people I hadn't even met yet. Awkward! I was attended a writing workshop with my dear friend and writing buddy Lexie. The speaker was Janice Hanna Thompson. She was wonderful, like the teacher you always wished you had. We got to the workshop just in time for a creative writing exercise which was torture for me! I wrote 2 paragraphs without really saying anything and then listened raptly as a few of the other attendees shared their exercise which in 5 minutes already contained characters with names, setting and plot. One, I'm sure, will go on to be the prologue of a future best seller! It was amazing.

But, why all this emotion? I grabbed a piece of scrap paper to help me sort it out:

• Fear - Isn't there always at least a little bit of fear as we stand at the edge of something new? Sometimes there's a lot!
• Rejection - Every time we put ourselves "out-there" we risk rejection. For writers it is part of the process. We joke that rejection letters will be progress because at least we can say we submitted something!
• Work - Am I willing to do the work ahead? When will I find the time? Who will feed the hungry children?
• Doubt - Is this direction I'm heading really the right one for me? Do I have what it takes?
• Patience - How long will I wait? Can I wait gracefully?

With the idea of waiting comes anticipation and I know that too is contributing to the lump in my throat. It's a hopeful lump. As I sit in the class, I'm just so grateful to have Christ at the center of my life. All of those questions can be reigned in by TRUST. Trusting God's plan for my future, not mine. Trusting that I am completely accepted by Him, even though rejection will surely come. Knowing that the Holy Spirit empowers me. He is for me and He is so very patient!

Are you standing at the edge of a dream? I'd love to hear about the lump in your throat!