Rejection stings and my tender heart is pierced. It would appear that I am not enough, I don't measure up and I won't be given the opportunity...again. Ouch. Of course these are my thoughts in response to the circumstance. This is me trying to sort it out, needing it all to make sense.
As I bring it to my Father I hear two words, "Trust me."
I KNOW He is in this. I know it is right and good.
But it still hurts.
Interesting to me that he doesn't respond to my doubt with a question:
- Why don't you trust me?
- When will you trust me?
- What's it gonna take for you to trust me?
He doesn't pose a question at all.
I am full of questions. I've begun several emails. I've started a couple of texts. I'm looking for answers. But then I hear "Trust me." So I delete the draft, backspace over the text and tuck my phone away.
Maybe the fact that he isn't asking questions is an answer in itself.
He is telling me to trust him with what happened.
He is telling me to trust him with my unanswered questions.
He is telling me to trust him with my unanswered questions.
He is telling me to stop asking these particular questions.
"Why? When? What's it gonna take?"
The answers really don't matter if I trust him with my life.
It is hard to tuck these questions away. But I'm doing my best. When they work their way up I take my pointer finger and tuck them back in with a determined choice.
Trust for me in this moment looks like my finger tucking in the unruly questions of my heart. What does trust look like for you?
7 comments:
I've had a dream the other night about looking to approval of man, I was collecting "crumbs" under the table. The problem with crumbs is that we are always scrounging for more...and never satisfied. Reminding myself that I'm approved by Christ is my daily mantra lately. Someone sent me an ugly Facebook message the other day...total rejection. But I realized that I was accepted by God even if this ONE person didn't like me, God did. It didn't help the hurting part of my flesh...but made me realize the bigger picture. And for that rejection I was thankful, because it reminded me to "trust" Him...which is the thing that really matters, right?
What a vivid reminder Elaine. I think I'll adopt your mantra as well! Thank you for commenting!
That's good babe. I believe you put into words what so many of us feel. Well, I might be a little less mature than you and Elaine, I'm not always hearing the voice of the Father at those times and I just might press send on the message. Great post love!
"I trust the Lord" has been a staple of my life for many years now. Born out of tremendous hurt, rejection, and self doubt. The Lord says "trust with ALL your heart, lean NOT on your own understanding".
As I've looked back on my life, it's the times when I've leaned on my own understanding that I have royally screwed up!
I will always remember a very poignant time in my life when I thought everything was over for me. Divorced, again. My children's hearts being torn apart. I was desperately trying to get a job in my professional field but found myself working at a job that I could barely make ends meet. Mortgage in arrears. No child support.
One day, I sat crying on the bathroom floor of the office where I worked. My world had seemed to cave in upon me. All I could mutter through my tears was "I trust the Lord". That was it. Simple yet so powerful. He picked me up that day, gave me the strength to breath in and out and I have never been the same. I know where to look for my help. My help comes from the Lord.
Love you, Lynn. Thanks for reminding us of another promise of the Lord's faithfulness.
Tanya - what a beautiful story of trust and transformation! You had me in tears. Thank you for sharing!
Lynn,
You have just been used by God this morning.
I haven't received an email from your blog in awhile and imagine that, one shows up today with a message from the Lord-"Trust Me", he says.
You see I am in the middle of a difficult situation of separation and waiting it out.
I needed to hear exactly what you wrote!
Thank you for your obedience.
Ann
I am praying for you Ann. We'll keep trusting together!
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