Fake it 'til You Become Her

I woke up with itchy eyes and a stuffy nose, feeling sluggish from the antihistamine I took the night before.  This is what I get for living in the allergy capital of the world. We don’t have seasonal allergies in Austin we have allergies in every season.

I’ve learned to apply certain countermeasures.  When I don’t feel well, I try harder. I put together a new outfit, spend more time on hair and makeup and put my best self forward. I do this because I know how I present myself affects how people perceive me. On one such day, I had a conversation with my boss which went something like this:

“You look great today, Lynn.”

“Thank you. I’m actually not feeling the best.  I’m compensating. “

“It works.”

Interestingly enough, it not only works for the people I may encounter, it works for me too.

We’ve all heard that how we look affects how other people feel about us. It is also true that how we look affects how we feel about ourselves.  My experiment in faking it proved positive.  I did the best I could with what I had and it helped me feel better about me. There is more at play here than just the reflection we see in the mirror. Clothes and make up are tools for boosting an attitude but we have an even better tool at hand. Actually it is our hand, our arms - our bodies!

In her fascinating TED talk, social psychologist Amy Cuddy presents the results of her research on the mind body connection.  Our minds change our bodies; we’ve known that for years. Cuddy’s research shows that our bodies have the power to change our minds.

In her study, participants put their body into what she referred to as either a high power pose or a low power pose for two minutes.  Tests showed that after a high power pose, power hormone (testosterone) levels increase and stress hormone (cortisol) levels decrease.  The mind responds to the body’s posture.

In a subsequent study, high power and low power posers were placed in a job interview scenario. Inevitably the high power posers were the ones who seemed more desirable.

What does all of this mean for you and me?

As part of the Created Woman Foundation, I am helping women become who they were created to be from the inside out. We believe real life transformation happens in that direction. Change begins in the heart, with the attitude and outlook. Gradually that change is reflected on the outside and experienced in the outcomes of our lives.

 So don’t neglect the inside! Passionately pursue personal growth:

·         Read books and magazines

·         Go to church

·         Build life-giving relationships

·         Take time for reflection

·         See a counselor

·         Attend a workshop

But while you are waiting for the change to be expressed in your life, fake it.

Yes, you read right, FAKE IT!

·         Stand up tall

·         Put your shoulders back

·         Hold your head up

·         Smile

·         Shake hands with confidence

·         Dress for the job you want to have

I am reminded of a woman I met years ago. She was hired as an administrative assistant at a local hospital but dreamed of being an executive. She purchased a briefcase and started carrying it to work every day. No one knew all she had inside it was her lunch. She faked it and packed a sandwich in her briefcase for years until she became what she envisioned.

That’s what faith does!

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; 

it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 NLT

Who are you becoming? Can you see it? Could you use your body to help your mind believe it? In an interview with Jennie Allen, Kristin Armstrong shared how she uses her body to change her mind. She said “I can act my way into a feeling better than I can feel my way into an action.”

Take some action today. Use your body to help your mind see the beautiful, whole woman you are becoming. This is not motivational mumbo jumbo, fake it ‘til you make it. This is faith at work, creating a vision for the woman you can’t quite see yet on the outside. 

Fake it ‘til you become her.

Originally published in Created Woman Magazine Second Quarter Apr/May/June 2014

I Don't Want To

I’ve never been a morning person. My roommate in college called me the Snooze Queen. But when life took a downward turn, I didn’t just hit the snooze button.  I turned the alarm off altogether. I didn’t want to get up. Getting out of bed felt like moving the Titanic. Sliding out from under the covers to carry the weight of my heavy heart was the biggest hurdle of my day.

I know someone who is experiencing a downward turn of their own. We were talking recently and like a helpful friend I offered a string of suggestions. Our conversation went something like this:

“Why don’t you get outside and go for a walk?”
“I don’t want to.”

“You could watch a funny movie.”
“I don’t want to.”

What about taking a bubble bath?
“I don’t want to.”

I gave up and left our conversation feeling frustrated.
And then I remembered how much I appreciate perky people with helpful suggestions when I have the “don’t-want-to’s.”

I always groan whenever someone tells me to turn to Proverbs 31. Seriously, that woman is so annoying.  And here’s the reality - King Solomon waded through 700 wives and 300 concubines looking for that girl.  I’m not sure she exists. Verse 15 is particularly irritating when you have serious sleeping-in skills like mine.

“She rises while it is still night…..”

Ugh!

I’ll admit, I’ve made some assumptions about this overachiever. I assume she wants to get up. She’s a morning person. But what if my assumption is wrong? What if she rises not because she wants to but because she knows it’s the right thing to do? What if she gets up even though she doesn’t want to get up at all?

I’ve learned a few things about desire through the don’t-want-to episodes of my life:

• Desire is nice but not necessary.
• If I wait until I want to, I may never take action.
• Doing what I know is good and right to do regardless of how I feel is actually quite satisfying. 
• Sometimes the “want to” comes AFTER I take the first step.

I’m still not a morning person. Sometimes I leave the blinds open so sunlight will seep in. Nature’s alarm clock is the best. Sometimes I lie in bed and think about rhubarb strawberry yogurt, hoping thoughts of a yummy breakfast will rouse me. Sometimes I let myself linger and read a devotional before getting out of bed.

I won’t let the “don’t-want-to’s” keep me under the covers for long.

She rises. She gets up. She moves forward with or without the “want-to” and so do I.

What helps you overcome the don’t-want-tos?

Originally published at A Bundle of THYME

Hope Paints the Sky

As I watch the sunrise transform the night sky, I remember my darkness.  I remember days when it seemed unlikely light would ever shine again. It’s not easy to remember.

Rummaging through old notes and journals, I found an entry that shocked me. I had honestly forgotten the depth of darkness I once lived in. Our family had taken a trip to the Texas coast. I got up early one morning, sat on the balcony and wrestled with grabbing my flip flops for a walk on the beach.  That wasn’t a safe place for me.

“….the thought crossed my mind to walk out into the waves and never turn back…..”

 I was already drowning in pain. It seemed fitting.

Maybe you find yourself surrounded by darkness. You can’t see a way out. You can’t see your own hand in front of your face. I’ve been there and I remember.

Before the light ever broke through, God was with me in the dark.      

   

One of the tenets of faith is our God’s omnipresence. He is all-present, with us in darkness just as much as light. It can be hard to feel his nearness in the dark. Jesus called out from the cross, My God, my God why have you forsaken me.”  Jesus felt all alone, forsaken in the darkness of that moment. 2 Corinthians 5:19 tells us that Jesus was not alone. God the Father was in Christ reconciling the world to himself. God was there, with Jesus all along and he is with you right now no matter how dark your situation may seem.

The danger in forgetting our times of darkness is we trivialize coming into the light. We forget how slowly darkness relinquishes its hold on the night. Hope paints a very thin pink line. If you are not watching closely you may miss its initial glow.

Hope rises in our hearts at different tempos.  Sometimes it pops right up.  A one, and a two, and a three and BOOM. Brilliance!  And other times, darkness shrouds hope like thick black molasses and the sun rise drags on like a funeral dirge. It took two years for the sun to rise glorious in my life, for hope to revive my heart.

I have lived in darkness.  But I know without a doubt that light shines. Every morning we see this truth on display. My challenge for those of you surrounded in darkness – wake up early tomorrow and watch the sun rise.  I am praying for you to see light breaking through.

Hope paints the sky in thin pink lines

blooming orange

bursting yellow

bright.

The heavens declare it

clear in phosphorus hue

today and each new day

darkness loses to Light.

Originally published at A Bundle of THYME

Need a Breakthrough?

Have airplane spaces shrunk? I’m cramped between the window and some guy reading an enormous textbook that spills over into my allotment.  I’m speaking at a women’s conference this weekend so I’m working on my message, typing on my laptop, elbows in, when the guy in front of me leans his seat back.  The latch from the tray table catches the top of my lap top. I hear a crunching sound and yank it toward me. This space keeps shrinking. Tightening all around me. I feel like the world is closing in.

I give up.

The message will have to wait.

I can’t think in this small space.

I click save and fold the screen, twisting and bending to tuck my computer under the seat in front of me.

When my neighbor reaches for his water bottle, I slide MY elbow on the arm rest between us.  Ah-ha! I’m taking ground, three more inches of space and it feels like I’ve conquered Asia.

With my laptop gone, elbows out and the tray table returned to its upright and locked position, I can breathe again. I plug headphones into my much smaller smart phone and seek an escape.

Are you grateful for music, for the way a song transports and transforms? 

My fingers press imaginary piano keys. I breathe with the phrasing, surrender to the rhythm. Grace washes over me.

My friend Josh Lopez just released a new project called Let’s Love and this song Breakthrough is helping me see beyond my cramped quarters.

It’s been a difficult trip with difficult circumstances and difficult conversations. I didn’t sleep well. I am weary and running low on hope. But as Josh sings, I feel God loving, restoring and mending me. I feel hope rising up in my heart too. I remember my redemption story and somehow I find the courage to believe that God can redeem these circumstances.  I choose to trust him.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, 

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

The music builds. My heart swell. I relinquish my hold on the arm rest and REST.

Do you need a breakthrough? Find a quiet place to sit and soak up this beautiful song. Invite God to break through you.

I'd love to hear from you - share your breakthrough moment!

Originally published at A Bundle of THYME

4 Parenting Strategies I Would Never Recommend

Motherhood is demanding and it’s easy to get down on yourself.  When you wonder if you’re doing a good enough job, pick up a book of fairytales. Seriously, fairytale parents make anyone look good. I found four parenting strategies I would NEVER recommend in my study of fairytale parents. More in this award winning presentation:

Fairy Tale Parenting from david cherry on Vimeo.

Help for Making Marriage Work

Falling in love is easy. Shoom! You've fallen and you can't get up. Unfortunately creating a love that lasts is not quite as effortless . We don't really fall in marriage. An emotionally intelligent marriage is something we build together. It takes effort and work. Thankfully, that effort can be a whole lot of fun!  And the work is always worth it.

My husband David and I hosted a book club for Created Woman this year. We read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver and recorded a video blog for each principle. Now you can watch all seven videos and grab hold of some marriage building tools in one place

Enhance Your Love Maps 

Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

Turn Toward Each Other Instead Of Away

Let Your Partner Influence You

Solve Your Solvable Problems 

Overcome Gridlock 

 Create Shared Meaning

3 Keys for Living Well

1. Go after a life of LOVE as if your life depended on it - because it does.

Go after love - literally - let love lead.  Love well and you will undoubtedly live well. But as I've said before fluffy love isn't enough. Love must be strong. It's not always the most comfortable way to live, but it is the most rewarding.

2. Give yourself to the GIFTS God gives you.

God has generously poured out creativity, talent, passion and dreams. You have a unique blend of gifts no one else on the planet has. Give yourself to these gifts. Develop them. Your gifts are meant to be given. Make them great!

3. Let others in on the TRUTH so they can grow and be strong.

Truth will bring freedom and hope to you. You can't keep it to yourself! Why would you want to? The truth you discover is not exclusive. Let others in on it so they can benefit from all you've gained on your journey. 

Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does. Give yourselves to the gifts God gives you. Most of all, try to proclaim his truth.....when you proclaim his truth in everyday speech, you’re letting others in on the truth so that they can grow and be strong and experience his presence with you.  1 Corinthians 14: 1-3 MSG