Thursday, July 31, 2008

< > or =

I've always thought of myself as more of a left-brain sort of girl. After all, I have a degree in biology, with a minor in chemistry. Very left-brainy stuff. But I have this singer side too. Which gets me into so much more trouble. Because for some reason there seems to be an over sized bag of insecurity hanging over that shoulder. Unfortunately, it is not a very fashionable bag.

Musician types are known for being hyper-sensitive, neurotic, prima donna. Of course, I would never put myself in that category. But if I'm honest, what goes on inside my head some days would certainly qualify me. I usually keep a tight lid on all that mess!

I just realized today, that this whole thing starts in first grade. First Grade! I was sorting through my son's school papers from last year and saw a Comparison Worksheet. There it was in black and white. We learn this skill in first grade and it never stops does it? Less than, greater than or equal to:

< > or =

Why do I want to be greater than? Why do I most often feel less than? What is true about me? In a moment of vulnerability Don Moen, a pioneer of modern worship, expressed his own insecurities as a worship leader. It was surprising, a little sad and yet so beautiful. I heard him make this statement: God will not anoint who you want to be, He anoints who you are. And then he said this: You.....are enough.

Who am I to judge myself as less than? How does that make my creator feel? My self-measurement is not inspiring a grateful heart or delight in His design. Now, I see a new operator on the comparison sheet of my giftedness. No, it's not greater than. It's not equal to. But it's not less than either. Its ENOUGH.

1 comment:

Lexie said...

That's good. I was happy to see your blog pop up in my Feedblitz update.