Go Ahead and Cry

It’s okay to cry.

In fact, sometimes a good cry is exactly what we need. 

When studying the chemical composition of tears, Bio-chemist, Dr William Frey, discovered that emotional tears contain protein- based hormones. He didn’t find them in onion chopping tears. Research indicates that through emotional tears, our body is actually cleansing itself of harmful stress hormones.

Tears are evidence of God’s master design.

I’m learning to let them flow.

Last month, my husband and I attended a worship night with 1211, a collection of musicians, song-writers and singers led by Ramy Antoun. It’s an experience like no other. The band and singers are set up in the center of the room and the “congregation” surrounds them. The performance aspect of modern worship is lost in this arrangement and what happens is total immersion.

As a former worship team member, I found myself leaning over and peeking around heads to see who was singing. Who was leading?  I gave up. I don’t need to see to be led. I can listen. I can feel. I can allow God to lead me.

And he led me to tears.

Releasing.
Letting go.

During one song, Ramy pointed out a woman who was available to pray with people. I knew I had to go. I think I’m the only one who did. Her presence was God’s present to me that night, a beautiful gift.

She reminded me of Elijah when he fled to the desert fearing for his life. He collapsed, exhausted from the journey in the shelter of a broom tree. He wanted to give up. He asked God to take him home. But miraculously God provided food and water for Elijah under that tree. In 1 Kings 19:7 an angel wakes him and says, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 

Do you ever feel that way?
Like the journey is just too much for you.
I did that night for sure.

I was anxious, stressed and overwhelmed about what lied ahead of me. But God met me that night. 1211 was my broom tree in the desert. They set the table. I pulled up a seat, ate my fill, quenched my thirst and cried my tears.

Yes, I cried - in public.

We’re not talking sweet tender tears, the kind you wipe away with the back of your hand, the kind that evaporate in a second or two.

No, we’re talking multiple tissue tears - mascara melting, nose running, cheek drenching tears.

Karol Ann Moore began to sing I’m Amazed and every word rang true for me in that moment:

You love is stronger than my pain. Your grace is greater than my shame. You pursue me even when I run away. I’m amazed by your amazing grace.

And I am amazed by the gracious, sustaining provision of my Father.

Stress washed away by rivers of tears. I could breathe deeper.

I left lighter, refreshed and strengthened for the road ahead.

Four Steps to Financial Freedom

The borrower is slave to the lender and don't I know it. I've been in that position. Trapped. Chained. Limited by the bondage of debt. It's a miserable existence.

We were not made to live that way. We were made for freedom, for abundance. 

We were created to dream! 

Financial freedom can be yours, and doing the work to get there is the secret to unlocking your dreams.

Make a Plan - Creating a spending plan is the first step toward freedom. Dave Ramsey tells us this is how we tell our money where to go instead of wondering where it went. It can be intimidating but it doesn't have to be difficult. To this day, we use a simple Excel spreadsheet. If you'd like a copy of our sample spending plan, email me: lynnmarie(dot)cherry(at)gmail(dot)com

Work the Plan -The plan won't work unless YOU work it. Schedule a regular time to look at the spending plan, make adjustments, pay bills and balance your checkbook. 

Work your garden—you’ll end up with plenty of food;

 play and party—you’ll end up with an empty plate. Proverbs 28:19 MSG

Rework the Plan - Life happens. We get busy and it's easy to fall back into old familiar habit patterns. A relapse is only a failure if you refuse to get back up! (Click to Tweet) So get back up and please be kind to yourself. Encourage yourself and work the plan again.

Add the God Factor - A faithful steward will be entrusted with more. When we honor God with our resources, he pours out blessings.

Honor the Lord with your wealth,

 with the first fruits of all your increase

then your barns will be filled to overflowing....Proverbs 3:9-10

(Listen, if you want your barn to be filled, you'll need to build the barn. Open up a savings account. Contribute to a 401K. Then imagine that barn overflowing with supernatural provision.)

We do our part and God does what only he can do!
His grace swept away our debt mountain. (More on that here)

His grace brings FREEDOM and with financial freedom comes the freedom to dream big dreams!

Find Me in February

Brand new for you! My husband David and I are hosting a virtual book club. You can watch our first two VIDEO BLOGS by clicking on the links below:

Enhance Your Love Maps
Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

Find out more about joining the book club at CreatedWoman.net

Apply some glue - yes, glue - to your marriage. I know it sounds messy, blame it on Jesus - it was his idea!
Read more at A Bundle of Thyme 

Teenagers have needs too. This article is the first in a series of ten, which will help you understand and meet the relational needs of your teens.
Read more at A Bundle of Thyme

I ate too many potato chips, again. And I know I deserve to suffer. Aren't you glad we don't always get what we deserve?
Read more at A Bundle of Thyme

Also for Created Woman in the FREE 1st Quarter issue is an article called The Space Between Us. It's all about resolving conflict and how we came to terms with this necessary skill.  This is a great magazine to subscribe to for fashion and faith.

Finally - for anyone who has ever been scared about speaking in front of others - My first post at Faith Village - 4 Prayer Points for Fearful Public Speakers

The Daddy Every Girl Needs

Strength is an important quality in a father.  Daddies ought to swing their little girls around in circles and give them bouncy piggy back rides while they giggle down the hallway for hours on end. Whew!

My dad grew up on a farm. I never doubted his strength.

But there was something different about my dad.

One day I walked around the block to a neighbor's house and attended a girl scout-ish spin off our church sponsored. As with most kid friendly events, there was a craft involved and we created a family crest for our fathers. I drew a fluffy lamb in one of the quadrants of my crest. 

I remember having the distinct impression my mom was embarrassed by this lamb. But it made perfect sense to me.

My father was gentle. He was strong AND loving. That is a crucial conjunction.

It was his tenderness that stood out to me as a child. He never raised his voice. He never stormed around the house. His strength was quiet and I felt so safe.

Our God has this same crucial combination of strength and love.

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord are loving...Psalm 62:11-12

He is the Lion of Judah AND the Lamb slain before the foundation of the earth.

Looking back, maybe Mom was needing a little more lion from my dad. Someone to roar at three children and get them to shape up and act right!

God has the perfect balance of these two traits.

In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling. Exodus 15:13

Love to lead:  "Follow me. See, I am a lamb just like you."

Strength to guide: "Walk this way and do as I say."

If you need tenderness and arms to hold you, lean into his unfailing love. If you need guidance, allow his strength mold and shape your life today. 

I'm curious - do you see God as Lion or Lamb?

I Want a New Marriage

Isn't NEW wonderful? I mean who doesn't love tearing open boxes, cutting off tags and peeling away plastic shrink wrap? Or what about that intoxicating new car smell? 

It's the American way. Throw out the old, outdated, previous model and wrap your arms around Brand Spankin' NEW!

Perhaps your marriage is losing it's sparkle. Maybe it has a few scratches and dents. This is bound to happen if you've been married any length of time. You might even need of a complete overhaul.

We attempt to make things new in a number of ways:

Put A New Ring On It
They say diamonds are a girl's best friend. My husband and I went ring shopping when we were in therapy. It seemed like the thing to do. I might be the only girl who walked away from our first twelve week program without new bling. I did try on a few rings. But the diamond that seemed to out weigh the pain we'd been through was pretty large. When I saw the price tag, I realized it would have been like toting around a really nice car on my left hand. I opted out. I'm not sure diamonds help heal a heart.

Get A New Spouse
I'll admit I considered this and I know my husband did too. I mean it only makes sense. If you want a new marriage, get a new spouse. Thankfully I'm a reader, and I read a horribly depressing book that helped me cross off this option. As bad as things looked, our mess was finally out in the open after years of being buried under ground. That's when you can actually make progress. I had to ask myself, do I really want to spend the next few years of my life pretending I'm perfect all the while waiting for the next guy's imperfection to rise to the surface? No thank you. It seemed smarter to work on the the problems I already knew about.

Have A New Baby
Nothing spruces up a tired marriage like a new baby, right? WRONG! In my experience babies make for exhausted adults who have less time and energy to invest in each other. I like my sleep too much to consider this option, but a lot of people do. We idealize what a new baby can do for a relationship and although it IS a new level of shared responsibility, that doesn't always translate into connection. 

Build A New Marriage
Who says you need new material to build a new marriage? David and I pulled on our steel toed boots, slipped on our leather gloves and did the work together. I won't kid you, it was the hardest work I've ever done in my life. 48 weeks of therapy, gut-wrenching homework assignments, regular accountability groups, countless books, hours spent processing with friends, and ultimately having the courage to surrender our pride and obey God all added up to a NEW marriage that is so much better than the one we had before.  Honestly, we really like each other. We are enjoying life together. The work was worth it. I am so glad we didn't throw in the towel, tearfully grateful we didn't give up.

You want a new marriage? Roll up your sleeves and do the work together. 

Check out our video blogs based on Dr Gottman's 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work.

Cultivating Curiosity in Your Children

Children are naturally inquisitive although often at inopportune times. Over the years, I've found my boys' curiosity peaks at bedtime. I'm happy to answer their questions but I am a little suspicious of the timing. 

Questions are an opportunity and I find myself missing the questions my boys asked when they were younger. Now days they can google for answers and do their own research.

Recently I was challenged when I read these instructions from Moses: 

 “In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ say to him, ‘With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. Exodus 13:14

Am I creating opportunities for curiosity?  How could I commemorate God's work in my life in a way that would create questions? God has delivered me. Do I remember in a way that my kids notice and stop to ask, "What happened? Why do you do this?"

Here are the ideas I've come up with so far:

• Share communion together
• Celebrate my NEW-birth date
• Renew our wedding vows
• Have a debt-free feast day
• Make #TransformationTuesday really significant

Verse 8 of this same chapter in Exodus says: 

On that day tell your son (or daughter), ‘I do this because of what the Lord did for me when I came out of Egypt.’ 

Here is my challenge, to fill in the blanks with my story:

I do _______ because of what the Lord did for me when _________.

How would you fill in the blanks with your story?

Trust - Tucking in the questions of a hurting heart

Rejection stings and my tender heart is pierced. It would appear that I am not enough, I don't measure up and I won't be given the opportunity...again. Ouch. Of course these are my thoughts in response to the circumstance. This is me trying to sort it out, needing it all to make sense.

As I bring it to my Father I hear two words, "Trust me."

I KNOW He is in this.  I know it is right and good. 

But it still hurts.

Interesting to me that he doesn't respond to my doubt with a question:

• Why don't you trust me?
• When will you trust me?
• What's it gonna take for you to trust me?

He doesn't pose a question at all.

I am full of questions. I've begun several emails. I've started a couple of texts. I'm looking for answers. But then I hear  "Trust me." So I delete the draft, backspace over the text and tuck my phone away.

Maybe the fact that he isn't asking questions is an answer in itself.

He is telling me to trust him with what happened.
He is telling me to trust him with my unanswered questions.

He is telling me to stop asking these particular questions.

"Why? When? What's it gonna take?"

The answers really don't matter if I trust him with my life.

It is hard to tuck these questions away. But I'm doing my best. When they work their way up I take my pointer finger and tuck them back in with a determined choice.

Trust for me in this moment looks like my finger tucking in the unruly questions of my heart. What does trust look like for you?